After two laptop chargers setting a-light and the input on the laptop its self smoking like a Jew. I decided my laptop was officially knackered. So the Internet has been a very rare treat for me indeed. Now though, with the purchase of a spanking new laptop, I thought i might as well blog again.
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Its been a very eventful couple of weeks if I'm honest. I re-built a bridge with someone who a couple of years ago used to be my iron anchor in life. As the weeks have gone by, Ive been spending a lot more time with her. Growing, in my eyes closer and closer. Being the "Mans man" I decided to tackle my feelings head on and tell her how I felt. Only to be knocked back, yet her actions, words and body language said other things. Still confused I hung on false hope, only to find she likes someone else. Anyhow. That's the end of that saga in my life.
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Recently my parents have decided its time for me to pull my weight in the world. This, evidently, resulting in me finding myself a job. Leaving me with, in my mind to little time to keep up my effort in the band. So now the option of leaving my dreams behind and leaving the band is becoming a necessity. Gut wrenching to be honest, but there is no other option for me. I have no idea what I'm going to do at the moment. However I haven't really got that much time to decide. Scared of making any rash decisions, Ive decided to try and sit on my options as long as I can. Being in a position in life, where I have no direction, no one to channel my emotions on and nothing to set my goal on is a scary prospect.
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I guess what I'm trying to say, is since my last blog, where I had direction and someone to channel my thoughts on, I have lost everything, yet again, and I'm left lounging in a whole greater in size than that of the energy I have left in me. Some may say, I'm "Fucked".
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With not much more I can do, Ive been to the job centre today and stood next to every chav and his dog, scrounging over the all of the 5 jobs that are available to people with no qualifications. Much the position I'm in, I would be lucky if i found a job. I'm buggered. No options. No avenues and No roads to turn down. Pretty sad state of affairs if I say so myself. Very depressing hole that place, not exactly a place one would expect to find inspiration when stuck in a rut and in desperate need of a job. Life is difficult I will give you that. Sometimes to difficult for people to handle. For me, it seems like its getting to that stage. I thought I had found someone to help me, someone to hold me. But all is lost.
Ahh well.
I must say, I love Jpot.
