Pessimist.

Firstly I would like to wag over my love for a little guy called Jack Jones.
Hes a beaut of a ked and im very lucky to know him.
Its purely down to him in-fact that I am sat here blogging.
Hes been through more shit than a pig on a dairy farm and he doesn't deserve it at all.
However I do truly admire his ambition and his perseverance.

Lately I have discovered a new emotion, one I haven't really felt before and its hard to categorize into a particular emotion. A cross emotion? Do they exist?
No idea, all I know is I really am sick of feeling shit.
Its also come to my attention that people are becoming tired of my constant pessimistic ways.
I really want to wake up tomorrow with the attitude to change my life.
But unfortunately I have become engrossed in my way of life and its going to be way to hard to change. I really dont think I have it in me to change.
And I feel the need to say sorry to all those friends who have stuck with me. I love you.

One thing that has become very apparent to me this month is death.
Morbid? Ayye. Indeed it is.
But I cant help notice that recently I have come to fear it.
Not because I myself will one day no longer exist. But because I cannot bear the thought of loosing someone else close to me. I find myself looking at situations and imagining the worst possible outcomes. All part of being a pessimist I guess.

One small point before I blab on; I used to believe in Karma. But what a load of shit. I was a fool.

Started back at six form, all is well. But I am finding it immensely hard to focus.
To much going on, not enough sleep etc etc.
But deep down I know I need these grades and it sickens me to think I'm not doing enough to achieve them. Gahhh Motivation Please!?

Oh yeah. I officially hate Love. And all of the shit things that come with it.
I fall for the wrong people. They pick me up. Drop me when I need them.
I just wish the emotion did not exist. Its Horrid and Vile.
Dont get me wrong, I have experienced the good side of love. and boy did I enjoy it.
But life is never that easy. Next minute it was all over.
I swore to myself never to fall for its trap again.
Now however I find myself back at the beginning and I've fallen for another.
Grand.
Suppose you have to remind yourself that love can be beautiful and you just have to wait for the one day when the person you love loves you in the same way.
Ways you can not describe in words. Emotions so deep no one can see.
Only you can feel them there. Like the butterflies when you kiss. The warmth in a simple hug.
That's what true love is. True emotion. True understanding.
Love is a way to categorize a set of emotions into one complex, beautiful, meaningful and truly deep word in order to use in day to day conversation.
One thing I do know is the difference between lust and love.
And love fucking hurts.


Anyway, what a load of shite.
Just needed to get that of my chest I guess. No one ever reads it anyway.
Everyone needs a good rant. Just not in the right frame of mind to make it a structured read.
Sorry people.